Thank you

I've been most unwilling to see this turmoil of mine
The thought of sitting with this has me paralyzed
With this prolong exposure to mirror and averted eyes
I've feigned that I've been waiting: such mileage for empathizing

[Chorus]
And now I see the madness in me is brought out in the presence of you
And now I know the madness lives on, when you're not in the room
And though I'd love to blame you for all, I'd miss these moments of opportune
You've simply brought this madness to light and I should thank you
Oh thank you, much thanks for this bird's eye view
Oh thank you for your most generous triggers
It's been all too easy to cross my arms and roll my eyes
The thought of dropping all arms leaves me terrified

[Chorus]

I'd have to give up knowing and give up being right
You inadvertent hero, you angel in disguise

[Chorus]

Meaning of Life

This is one of the songs that I really liked because of its lyrics. The tune is so aweseome and yet maintains its cultural richness of the Malay.
It was from a friends blog that I realize, that the song means so much more than the melody and rhythms. I want to share with you guys about this song the "Meaning of Life"

Dayang Nurfaizah - Erti Hidup

Angin kau membawa bahteraku kemana mahumu…

Dikamar daku sering bertanya
Mana tempatku di dunia
Tepuk dada tanyalah selera

Jika daku ingin berjasa
Memberikan hidupku makna
Tepuk dada tanyalah selera

Tiba waktu aku tiada
Tidak akan daku sesali
Daku hidup caraku sendiri

(Korus)
Inginku(kiniku) mengenali
Erti hidup yang diberi
Dunia jadi saksi
Liku-likukan ku harungi oh…

Tidak lagi kan aku disitu
Menyaksikan kehidupan berlalu
Kan ku kerah darah keringatku

Tiba waktu aku tiada
Tidak akan daku sesali
Daku hidup caraku sendiri

Angin kan ku bawa bahteraku
Kemana majuku
Kini ku berani mengemudi
Kemana ku pergi

Bagai guruh bergegar bumi
Aku tetap teguh berdiri
Penuh pengorbanan yang sejati

27 hour flight from Madison to Singapore July 8,9 and 10, 2008

Salam semua,

Saya kini berada di Changi airport setelah mengharungi perjalanan yang melebihi 25 jam saya bertolak ke madison airport lebih kurang kul 9.00 hari selasa dan kini sudah pukul 12 tgahri di Madison.Perjalanan yang amat memenatkan untuk pulang ke tanah air yang dicintai. Walaupun penat tapi memang berbaloi perjalanku kali ini. Tujuanku kembali ke tanahairku adalah untuk menyemarakkan semangat bersyukur atas satu kejayaan besar di dalam hidupku iaitu Konvokesyen Sarjana. Insya Allah harap2 ianya akan berjalan lancar dan proses menghantar dokumen2 yang penting ke tempat kerjaku itu dapat di jalankan dengan sempurna.

Prayer Times
I have arrived here in Singapore. And as I sat on the plane for 12 hours, I did notice that the sun never actually sets outside our window panels. This was because we were flying against the rotation of the earth. And after we reached Tokyo and about 6.30 local Tokyo time, did I saw the sun slowly set. Another confusing thing is the prayer time. I thought that I wanted to stick to Minneapolis prayer times strictly during flights. So I prayed Jamak Qasar Zuhr-Asar about 3 pm Minne time, and around 9pm Minne time, I prayed Mghrib-Isyak. But as I arrived in Tokyo, the sun hadn't set yet. And that makes me confused. There wasn't an actual Maghrib during flight.Anyways, during the Tokyo-Spore flight, I prayed Mghrib-Isyak again.

Perjalanan dari Minneapolis St Paul ke Tokyo mengambil masa 12 jam. Tapi yang seronoknya ialah melayan betah teman yang duduk di sebelah kiriku seorang student Korean-American yang tidak henti2 berceloteh sepanjang perjalanan. Dan slanga Americannya itu, amat menakjubkan padaku, suatu hari kelak aku juga akan memilikinya hehe.InsyaAllah. Di sebelah kananku pula adalah seorang IranianAustralian yang resides in Sydney, but just coming to America for a holiday of about 20 days.

I had this terrible seat actually, the middle part of the 4 seats in a 747. And luckily the girl was so outspoken and chatty. And it was a blessing.
And I sat in 60E. And there are no personal LCD screens for our seats, but we had jeer and peek at the screen in front of us, and listening to the audio with the 'cheap' , headsets that was given. I saw 'fools gold'. The plot was interesting , but the direction was off. It had the most interesting bits to an exciting movie, but the movie does not project it well. In contrast to the next movie that I saw, 'the other boleyn girl', now this movie, the plot was you know, on and off but, still with the camera and the direction it was simply superb. I am talking from a person who does not or never watches English history movies.


The trip from Tokyo to Singapore takes about 7 hours, and its a boring flight cause the person sat next to me was totally 'mute' in other words he did not speak at all. He was clad in a business suit and jeans and wears a 'kinda' gold rolex. But this flight was entertaining cause we had in seat entertainment, our very own LCD screens. And I chose to watch, Nim's Island. Shortly after that, I dozed off.

Muslim Meal
The muslim meal that I requested has its good and bad points. The good point is, you get your food first from all the other passengers. But the bad point is that, with beans and salads as replacement for the real proteins that you need, you feel nauseated, especially in a 12 hour flight. Luckily the muslim meal that I received in the Tokyo-Singapore flight was roasted chicken. Thank Allah.

Its about 1.38 am in Spore, but I wasn't feeling sleepy at all. Cause I was so used to the USA time, its actually midday there.
And I have 3 more hours to go before the Mas counter opens in Terminal 2.

Madison Airport July 08, 08

Usually I am not the type of person who likes to grumble. And a bad thing that has happened to me, will all be discarded from my memory. But, since I am at the airport waiting for about an hour and a half. And with internet access, it would be ' appropriate' for me to report what I have endured for the duration of my half and hour.
Nothing to do..but to just pour my heart out.

The airport staff. Well how mean she could be. A female staff of the Northwest airlines was kinda rude and wanted to take control over everything. You know the redneck type of girl. Shes a woman actually.

'you forgot to unlock your bag'
"you forgot to unlock the other bag'
as she came in again for my assistance.
I was at the cafe, when the red wearing uniform woman asks me to unlock Mashitah's bag. Well she is stern and mean looking. And another 10 minutes she comes again this time not carrying any bag with her, but to gesture for me to follow her to unlock another bag. Complaining that it was locked.

When I first came in the airport, Psang had already told me about a staff of the Northwestern Airlines that..

Hai korang, I kat airport ni sensorang, dah kul
Beginila ceritanya, aku sampai2 kat airport tu cuak2 gak aa..pastu aku dah seronok lak dengar cerita Psang yang dia ada sekali terlepas sebab dia tak yah kena charge sebab overweight aku dah siap pasang angan2 la dia tak charge overweight tu. Pastu sampai2. Psang kata haa.kalau dapat minah yang jaga kaunter sure dia overcharge, tapi kalau dapat mamat laki, sure dia tak charge. Aku sampai2 tu, nampak ada minah kaunter ni, dia pakai uniform merah Western Union, kecoh tul. Sebab depan dia ada lebih kurang 6 orang India.

Pastu aku g kaunter yang ada mamat org putih yang jaga, dia suruh check in kat mesin e-ticket tu, aku pun g la, aku try masuk no confimation> tak dapat cuba berapa kali. Mamat kaunter laki tu bukan nak tolong dia sibuk dengan orang lain. Tup tup ..korang tau, datang lak makcik tu minah kepoh tu. Alamak. dia dah tolong lak. Aku pun biar jelah..dia suruh swipe passport aku, try tak dapat, dia try pun takdapat. Pastu dia kata yang mesin tu kgkadang ada masalah. So, dia swipe passport aku kat mesin sebelah, okay. Pastu dia letak baggage aku. Dia timbang yang pertama 45 pounds, baggage kedua 61 pounds. So, kira excess baggage la, dia suruh keluarkan 20 pound tu letak kat beg lain. Aku malas lak. sebab beg aku untuk dipegang, ada beg camel tu dah sendat sesendatnya..aku letak barang2 paling berat kat situ. Kasut2 aku, jeans, purse2 semua letak kat beg camel tu, pastu satu lagi beg ialah beg aku bawak kat belakang tu= beg laptop. Aku fikir haiyo penat la aku nak bawak lagi satu beg.
> sebab plannya ialah aku kena keluarkan baggage waktu kat Singapore.
Argh tak larat la..dah la ada 2 beg yang besar

me: i kat airport
A: yep
A: owh
me: tunggu lagi sejam
A: dah masok dah?>
A: kau kene baya ak?
me: dah masuk dah
me: kena bayar usd50
me: minah tu kecoh la
A: haha
me: ada ke dia mula2 suruh aku bayar usd150
A: konpem a kene
A: apsal
me: entah dia
me: pastu aku cakap la korang kena usd50 jer
me: aku tunggu dia baca2
me: dia baca2 sampai abis
me: baru dia kata usd50
me: lega la aku
A: haha
me: siut tul minah tu
me: aku dah la pasang angan2 tadi..pisang kata kalau mamat mat saleh ..dia tak kisah ..boleh lepas je
me: tapi aku dpat minah saleh tu..kecoh tul
A: haha
me: satu beg 45 ,satu lagi berat 61
A: oooo
me: so ala ala dia nak charge satu, overweight, aku tak la keluarkan barang
A: mmg ah
A: kan aku dah ckp
me: minah tu suruh i keluarkan barang letak beg lain
A: haha
me: tapi beg carryon aku pun dah sendat sesendatnya
me: beg laptop pun takde ruang
me: ko tau bila aku bayar usd50 tu dia kata apa
me: 'feeling rich today , huh?'
A: biasa la gurau2
A: kamonnn
me: okay
me: aku cakap la ..i guess its worth it..
A: oo
me: pastu kan depa orang kaunter ni bukan reti nak bukak combination locks ni
me: aku dah bagi nombor tu, just tarik tepi je
me: dorang g main2 nombor lak
me: pastu datang la balik minah ni
me: dia kata beg aku berkunci
A: asal kau tak bukak tros
me: tu la pasal
me: silap aku gak
me: dorang tak reti (dumb)
me: oops
A: haha
me: pastu ingat dah settle
me: pastu lagi 5 min dia datang lagi
me: pasal satu lagi beg
me: hmm aku g bukak la
me: bukak tros
me: pastu dia perli2 aku' is it open? is it open?'
me: aku cam malas..aku cakap ' er, no..'
me: perghh macam2
A: hahaha
me: aku kena surrender visa nyer card kat minneapolis nyer aiport ek
me: senang tak nak cari homeland security tu
A: senang2
A: takpon tanya org je
me: aku nyer boarding pass aku sekeping tiket je
me: tulis semua sampai KL
A: ok a tuh
me: tu je kan takyah tukar tiket lain kan?
A: takyah
me: ok
A: same airline kan?
me: ha ah
me: kecuali sampai singapore
A: takya tuka
me: tukar mas
A: tu kau kene mintak lain nnt
me: tapi mas nyer pun ada tulis kat tiket tu
A: kau kene amik baru gak
me: yeke
me: ok
me: aku akan g kaunter mas kul 4 pagi ..katanya bukak kul 4
me: aku patut naik kul 9.55
me: tapi thomas suruh naik kul 6.55
A: try a mintak awal
A: bole je kalo tak penuh
me: thomas tu kata , aku amik luggage aku kat singapore
me: tapi minah kecoh tu kata takleh
me: aku kena biar sampai klia
me: so luggage aku sampai lambat la kot.
A: takya...kau ckp je time check in kat singapore...ckp supposedly kau naik kukl 955...nnt die akan carik beg kau kalau kau dpt 655 tu
me: oo good good
A: kau ckp kat officer tu...suh carik beg kau kalo dpt 655 nye flight
me: okay ..
me: pasal visa nyer tiket nak surrender ni
me: nak tanya kaunter apa ek
A: tanye je kat pak guard2 tu
A: dorg tau

If I ever lose my faith in you

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

Some would say I was a lost man in a lost world
You could say I lost my faith in the people on TV
You could say I'd lost my belief in our politicians
They all seem like game show hosts to me

If I ever lose my faith in you
There'd be nothing left for me to do

I could be lost inside their lies without a trace
But everytime I close my eyes I see your face

I never saw no miracle of science
That didn't go from a blessing to a curse
I never saw no military solution
That didn't always end up as something worse but
Let me say this first

If I ever lose my fatih in you (If I ever lose my faith in you)
There'd be nothing left for me to do (There'd be nothing left for me to do)

If I ever lose my faith
If I ever lose my faith
If I ever lose my faith
If I ever lose my faith in you

Flying back to home

Today is Monday and I guess this will be my last entry to the blog since I am going on a plane in less than 24 hours time tomorrow. I am feeling anxious right now. At the lab, and I have successfully subcultured some of the Cladophora into the flask. I am actually waiting for Shana cause she wanted to go to lunch with me after this.

I am wondering how is it gonna be at the airport? And several uncertainties remain. I really2 pray that I wont be taxed at the KLIA. And I really hope that I won't forget to bring something. Well actually it really doesn't matter much cause, I will be back here in a month's time. My supervisor had already assigned some reading material for me to read if I wanted to in the flight.

Living in Madison

If a person would ask me how do I feel to go back to Malaysia? I will immediately say "Great! Wonderful and can't wait". and if a person would ask me how's my studies here in Wisconsin, I would say "I'm holding on here and I'm living here day by day".

Overall its been great being here. Especially the shopping I might say. But it also mostly depends on the amount that you put aside each month so that you will have the luxury of shopping. And to simply go shopping every week, hmm thats totally impossible. And I remembered when I first arrived here on a terrible cold that day, and when the folks here went for grocery shopping, I hadn't enough even to buy groceries. Cause I was saving the money just for the rent at the end of the month.

You know, it seemed that I arrived in the middle of January, which means I have to pay the January rent (full- the Regent was terrible! in terms of rent) and at the end of January another rent is coming. Actually I asked everywhere, that usually you only have to pay half months rent if you started renting on the middle of the month. But , NOPE for Regent. Thumbs down for Regent!
Plus when I had to leave the Regent on the middle of May, I had to pay a full months rent for May which doesnt make sense at all. So in total, I had to pay an extra months rent FOR NOTHING!! THANKS REGENT !


So, I have to put aside a rent for February. Here you have to pay the rent early before the start of the month. I remembered that I could only spend USD25 per week for a month,from January until April so that I could survive. You know that the government scholarship is only given on the 3rd month and the next one was due in the end of April. Imagine that! And for 3 month's amount of money, I have to fork out a 4 months' rent!. and that leads to USD100/month to eat or simply survive. How terrible! Shopping? No way!!


I would say the trip to Niagara was the farthest I have been with my friends here, so far he hehe.And It was magnificent! Wonderful Captivating, and not to mention fun too! Riding the maid of the mist (a boat that went near the falls) was fun cause you will be drenched!!

I had an experience camping with my fellow colleague, Shana, in Bailey's harbor. It was interesting to see the huge lake Michigan amidst its natural scenery.

Each day is a little life..
Reese

'Cry'

Don't Ever Tell me to Stop

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But don't ever tell me to stop


Tell the rain not to drop
Tell the wind not to blow
'Cause you said so, mmm

Tell the sun not to shine
Not to get up this time, no, no
Let it fall by the way
But don't leave me where I lay down

Tell me love isn't true
It's just something that we do
Tell me everything I'm not
But please don't tell me to stop

Tell the leaves not to turn
But don't ever tell me I'll learn, no, no
Take the black off a crow
But don't tell me I have to go

Tell the bed not to lay
Like the open mouth of a grave, yeah
Not to stare up at me
Like a calf down on its knees

Mimpi Selasa pagi.Jul 1 08

I terjaga, I mimpikan menaiki UFO bersama sorang intelligent makhluk asing. Dia membawa I, dan adik I untuk g ke NY City. Kapal angkasa telah membawa kami dari rumah di Selayang ke New York City. Kemana lagi untuk ke NY City kalau tidak pergi ke PWTC. eh saya teringat saya pun terlepas cakap PWTC kemudian saya membetulkan kembali kepada WTC. Kami ingin pergi ke WTC. Kapal angkasa ini merentas batasan dimensi, so perjalanan kami adalah lebih cepat dari penerbangan biasa.Walaupun dapat tiket, untuk menaiki suatu bangunan tinggi di NY tapi kami tetap kena beratur jugak.

I bermimpi, bersama kawan2 untuk pindah rumah. Beramai ramai menolong kawan ini untuk berpindah. Kemudia kawan i dah beli suatu benda. Pastu i tanya benda apa ni ? Hummer ke? Pastu mamat mat saleh muka cam Mel Gibson kata ha ah hummer. 'hummer' (sebenarnya sejenis bunyian untuk bayi yang berpusing) mula2 ingatkan itu hanya lampu standing lamp.

Sebelum ini , kat kedai, saya ada jugak kena pilih standing lamp, untuk dibeli, nampak jugak hummer ni, tapi sebab ianya tidak cantik.Saya memilih untuk mengangkat sejenis floor lamp. (so mimpi ni ada ksinambungan dgn mimpi sebelum ni)

Setelah selesai menangkatnya ke atas. Rupa rupanya dia boleh di turn on dan berpusing2 dan lagu yang kedengaran adalah amat menarik dan macam lagu yang biasa kedengaran tapi tak sure apa. Saya membayangkan bagaimana seorang bayi melihat, dan saya nampak bahawa benda itu, ada segi empat sama dan berpusing. Its a simple contraption but still its fascinating.

Saya bayangkan saya di rumah pulak, dengan katil twin bed sahaja. Di bawah katil ada tergulung karpet2 yang di tinggalkan. Dan saya berfikir sama ada saya mahu untuk membawanya ke rumah baru nanti atau tidak.

Saya terjaga.♥