Distance

I had a chance to have Iftar with fellow Malay friends at Ay's house just now. I helped him make chicken rice. We had a good laugh.
Being young. Being single. Being reckless without a care.
Being immature at the same time.
Sometimes it works, sometimes..not really.
It's nice being in a community. Compared to eating alone at my apartment. Well, I've had my experience with them and in the end they'll end up hurting you anyway with some sort of disrespect.
Distance is good.

Ay borrowed my vacuum. With effort to take it from my apartment to bring it to his house. Then, no effort to bring it back. Sad. Immature. Reckless.
I figured that his house is bigger, and mine is so small and cramped, that I should just trade his vacuum with mine. Makes sense.

read more, talked more, write more

read more, read more, talk more, write more, those are the words that still linger in my head. Playing on and on like a broken record. Ouch! That's what I am feeling right now. I guess when you are in the stage that I am now, there is no use of sugar coat anything. Not my committee members. Even my advisor is frank now.
Well, the thing is , English is their language and here I am thinking that I should be at par with them. And I thought that I am. Well, then comes along a native speaker, putting you back to your feet. The way you are supposed to be. You need to express yourself better! You have not been speaking English lately, it shows. I guess 'you would be better off if you had done what I have told you to do' again and again (like an elderly talking to the young). The truth! It hurt.

Here everything is so specific. I couldn't get away with diversity now. Explain why do you want to use that word and defend it. Well, apparently, that word gets into his nerve. Well, the appropriate word would be species specific study. Hmm.. never have I learn this before.

Defending in a hypoglycemic manner does have its own advantages. I could blame stuttering or unable to understand question with that facade. But truthfully, I do not understand some of the questions. They sound so basic and straight forward and still, I was thinking to myself,'what do they want?'. 'where are they going with this?'.
It's quite an embarrassment.

I still can't believe that my advisor said that I have trouble expressing myself, having trouble with the choice of words. Well,let me put it this way, in matters of the heart, I have no problems writing it down. But it's been awhile since I had time to do that. Now, I wish that I would have the same inclination to write scientific papers as wholeheartedly as writing a blog. The thing is, writing, it takes mood to do it. And for scientific writing, you are pressured to do it. And when pressure is on you, you won't write as well. I was waiting for my muse=nope! Wrong answer! That is just not acceptable.

I wish one day, one day I could write as well as my supervisor. Or for a short term, improve my writing as the day progresses.I know that, this is the path that I wanted to go, and as Aristotle puts it, the roots of education is bitter but the fruit is sweet.