foCUS

i drove to work today..and
i began to think..
things went so fast..
too fast i might say...
especially when i am working
what exactly have i been doing all this while
it seems so terrible of me to be in the *th semester doing my masters
what exactly went wrong

i want to shut all music
i want time to stand still
i want to be
in control
i began by shutting down the music
i am shutting down the air-con
slowly let the cool outside air in
i want to have a peace of mind i want to be in control of myself
i want to define what i wanted to do today and do it
do it right
stop being like reeds in the wind

its seemed that all my life..especially during my study years has been about obeying
i seemed to be in a situation where
i keep doing my best to my ability without any direction
best at shopping
best movies to watch
best handphone with the best deal
best car with the best price at adjustments upto the uppermost level
reading the best gossip
watching the best movies
helping others to the best of my ability
grasping this chance
grasping that chance
meeting old friends here
meeting old friends there
oh..this one i must go
oh this one also i have to be there
untill when...

my energy's wasted for the wrong reasons..
what is my aim..
what is my purpose in life
grasping petty chances when the real deal is slipping away...
what for...
and UTMOST importantly why have i been doing such things..

what if , inside i really wanted to know what it feels like
to be a slow student
what is it like to be tormented
disgusted
scorned?
looked down upon
what it feels like to step into that type of shoes?
whos going to help me
no one
no one but myself
if i am really that type of person
then..it is only hardwork that can help me
nothing beats hardwork

i know cause in my class..
when a student asks persistently.
you see a spark in his eye
a spark of wanting to learn
willing to go
that fuels up your desire to teach
and to become a good ..a best teacher
wholeheartedly
that is why nothing beats hardworkingness
when all the students has stopped doing the labwork..
the so called intelligent students
the hardworking ones are still at work
asking
working
...

i started off this day by shutting down my music and the noises
i calmed my self out of the storms in my head
as i did that
i began to focus
i wanted to do two things today
1. learn the spss for next week's practical
2.write up my thesis

i finish my work today feeling
sore eyed, squinting to every body..(too much computer work)
but I am satisfied
I have learned alot today about SPSS
i learned from a Dr. here at the University. She's good
I found out that it can be interesting
its just that i need to do the exercises to confirm what i have learned

morning -spss -own working
noon -spss lecture by Dr.
evening - the excell part of the lab
day end - eyes squinting

So guys..
Focus on what u wanted to do that day..
if time permits
and do it..
I guess same goes with money...
everybody wastes time..cause everybody has it
but not everybody wastes money..cause not everyone has it.