Bintulu

so its friday already..

one whole week has passed..and

most of it has been onto the course prep of going for postgrad studies overseas

i have heard point of views, different persepectives and those who has made it

against all the odds..

and with the whole family..

they've made it

single mothers..you name it..

one thing they had in common

determination..

and commitment

perseverance

and mood (minat).

thats more than one thing..

 

so i am going to bintulu this weekend..

how's it gonna be

i dunno

whats like

whats to expect

hmm

think GOOD thoughts would help

 

its just a weekend my father wanted

he wanted to fly us all in a plane

to a nearby destination

 

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seminar

asalamualaikum

 

today is another day..untuk seminar persediaan tutor kat sini..

so another day..for me..

the brilliant tutor is not around.hmm i wonder why..i wasnt exactly that warm to him..i hope that that wasnt the main reason he isnt around.

well..

yesterday..

my friend asked me to accompany him to his other friends office.

and i guess cause he really asked me..

then i obliged..

 

then as far as i know..before you knew it..there i was in the middle of a

discussion about ..another type of MLM..

and it involves a high cost air aromatherapy or something..

so that guy wanted my friends help for cash..

i guess not logical. and my friend politely declined..

giving reasons of his own

strangley after i went to this building, my nose cant stand it ..

 

so this morning..i woke up with a terrible running nose.my throat was sore..and it was just terrible to wake up to

 

and then i came to the u, and i had this seminar..

the seminar today was alright..

 

the speaker was a lecturer too

he shared his insights of going to us..doing phd

and then..there was this talk on stress management

and lastly a forum on the various experience of 3 lectures doing phd.

 

tomorrow..the committee has asked for the time frame of how we wanted to pursue our studies..there..

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Communication Session

asalamualaikum,

 

well yesterday was tuesday in another day of the gathering of the tutors.

and yesterday was different cause they had a session of communication whereby one of the participant of each table had to present in ten minutes time

well its me..

i had a nervous breakdown in front.

i wasnt that confident

but the things i wanted to say, that was confident to me

the issues were close to my heart. the microbes

i may have stumbled or stuttered

or asked for assurance

and the one thing i didnt do was

• the ice breaking or
• asking the audience

so i did quite so-so .not so bad or not so good.

well then when someone..your close friends..said reassuringly that i had the talents to be a good lecturer..then well that makes your day...

well that i shall remember..

 

 

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attraction

well.when you least expected it..
it comes..it taunts you..
it will haunt you..
untill..
untill when..
well what do you expect?
untill it settles?

a face..
i never forget a face
the feeling..
the heartbeat that once had stopped..
began to beat..
the ryhthmn although, so keeps at a steady pace..

what can i do..
watch it..
feel it..
lie..and be steadfastly frozen..
unable to move..
scantily move
steely eyes..
that will turn a wolverine away..

yet deep inside you longed for it.
wanting it..
and things you cant have
it is the thing that you always wanted
you craved..
on and on..

a face..
is just a face..

i tried to remove it..
but i can't
i shall then sing it away..
cry my heart out
all the while
seeing the face
trying to put words into my mouth
the heart speaks..
and so it does...

sparkling..
thats what i shall describe it..
the feeling of attraction of another
when the feelings mutual..
you can feel it..

but when the other shuts down
its nothing more
than a hollow
an echo..
that strikes back
is your own voice...

I thank Allah that I am alive..
that blood still runs in my veins..
rushes through
whenever this attraction comes
by.....

cheers to more success in the future..

Salam.

Well, today,

 

I had just finished writing the minutes of the meeting held yesterday. It was awkward to the max to me. Cuz I have never ever written a minute in my life.

 

Yesterday was the Meeting of the Department and in a sudden rush of the moment, the head of department selected me.." Okay, ...please...come here and be the secretary for this meeting.." awkward as it may seem..

awkward it is...

hehhee

 

Well, before this, just 15 minutes before, I had spent an hour with Amr advising him about self conscious, how to be more confident in yourself..and how to tackle an interview..And on and on I rambled..that was just a few minutes before.

And I guess part of it shows..in the brilliance..the exuberance..of ME..to be picked and noticed by the HOD to be the honourary SECRETARY

ops..was that what I wanted ??..Nope!!

and did I mention I  wore a bright baby blue dockers shirt.

 

Okay so you sat beside the HOD. I tried very best to keep my composure..

and they rambled a lot in the meeting

 

........the meeting ended.....I wrote everything..well almost everything..

only things I wanted to hear..I just cant stand that there is no bacteriologist in the Dept. and me being one.. I felt..a little bit down cause..I wasn't qualified to be a lecturer yet..so...I best kept my head down and kept silent.

 

 

 

And..the HOD just said that she wanted the minutes by Friday. I nodded..(assuringly..I hope)

 

I hessitated..

I had no experience as such

 

I couldnt do it..

I never did it before

are they trying to FORCE me to do something..

o oo

oh no..i felt a mental block coming on..

"come on.. " i said to myself

just one point of the numbering at a time.

just one page at a time..i soothed myself

 

I went on and did the task immediately. Its for my own good to "do it immediately, cause..otherwise you'll forget" the HOD told me. so I obliged..and quickly did it.

 

and so i did the minutes ..by the templates that was handed to me in a thumbdrive..

and i finished it by 4.30 and print it out...

i..but i wasnt sure of whether i wanted to pass it right away (will it invite more errands next time) or may be i should just wait till Friday..

 

 

at 4.45 I just went in the hod office and she came out.

ops..I hadnt time to knock

she invited me in

"come come..lets correct it right now'

 

then she did some corrections.

 

and so I sat there in front of her

like a master student awaiting corrections

feeling like a slave to a master

feeling guilty although i did none

(somebody feel me?)

she was damn polite.." this correction has nothing to do with you, ok, so its just procedure, dont get any hard feelings."

that was so nice

still it didnt stopped me to feel the way i did before

guilty as charged

(tis something I am . not much as i planned it to be)

and the same time

am so effing tired of being guilty. It is not right for my career.

I must do something..

 

she gave me the corrections..

then after had some tea..i went and finished it..that evening..

before i head on home..

its an accomplishment..for me

 

this morning..i had bfst and wanted to print it in amr's lab. but the hod caught me..

and asked me to print in her office instead..

 

 

 

It was a daunting task.. Me having to be face to face with the HOD. Yesterday and now today

 

She smiled all the way.. as i handed out the minuted..

the way I felt was..scared+ guilty as charged..

I dunno I was just being me..

you know me ..

I am guilty as charged..

I havent finished my writing up..just a tad more..

she reassuringly said" now, you know the format and it'll be better for your future doing admin work in the office"

 

after printing twice for corrections..

she accepted the minutes and filed it in..

 

 

thats an accomplishment i should cherish and savor

cheers to more success in the future..

 

 

 

 

 

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